I don't know about all you parents out there, but one of the hardest things that me and my husband have dealt with lately is how to discipline our children in a Christian way. In a perfect world, when our children misbehave, we would be able to discipline them from a neutral emotional place, while successfully explaining to them the Christian viewpoint with them fully grasping the concept and never doing it again. Yeah...that would be nice.
I just wanted to share a few ideas that may help you with disciplining your children while trying to maintain the Christian aspect of it. Of course, these are only ideas, and even though me and my husband try to do these things, they don't always necessarily happen this way. After all, we all fall short of the Glory of the Lord! We are not perfect - thank God for the blood!
As far as what scripture says about discipline, there are a few scriptures I've heard or read that you can refer to if needed. I've even shared these scriptures with our children so that they understand why we discipline them.
1) Proverbs 29:17 - Discipline your children, and they will give you peace;
they will bring you the delights you desire.
2) Proverbs 13:24 - Whoever spares the rod hates their children,
but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.
3) Proverbs 19:18 - Discipline your children, for in that there is hope;
do not be a willing party to their death.
When explaining these scriptures to our children, we ask them questions so that they can see our point of view. We ask them what would happen if we let them do things like lie, steal, or cheat. They understand the concept of consequences, so they may respond with "I would go to jail" or something of that nature. Then we ask them if it would show them how much we love them if we let them go to jail. Of course, they respond with a no. They can see why we have to discipline them so that they will make the right decisions the next time they are faced with that situation.
Another thing that we have purposed to do, but have not been consistent with is praying with our children as part of the discipline process. We want them to understand that they need to behave not just for us, but also for God. He wants us to be honest, be kind to each other, and make good decisions. When we, as adults, do something that goes against His commandments, we confess these things to God in prayer and thank Him for the forgiveness He has given us through His son. We must teach our children how to pray this way as well and to understand the concept of forgiveness. Now I must admit this is very difficult to do, especially if you are upset about whatever the child has done to initiate the discipline. It's just something that we must pray about ourselves so that we can carry out the process.
As far as being upset, there are steps we can take to refrain from disciplining while we are angry. I must admit this is the hardest one for me, as I take their misbehavior personally in the heat of the moment, as if they have set out to disrespect me.
Try this:
Step 1: Take a breath.
Step 2: Remember that they are your children and what they want more than anything is to make you proud and for you to love them.
Step 3: Remember that children have not perfected the art of thinking before they say or do something (let's be honest - most of us adults haven't either!). We have to continue to remind them until it becomes a habit.
Step 4: Have the children stop what they're doing and sit still for a minute while you go and pray about it. Ask God for guidance and a calming spirit so that you can convey the right message to the child.
Step 5: Decide your course of action before you return to the scene of the crime. Stick to this course of action no matter what you may feel when you go back into the room.
Those are my suggestions and more than anything else, I will be striving to follow them diligently myself. It is so easy for us to reach our limit throughout the day even before we see our children. We have to try to realize that and not take our own stresses out on them.
We want our kids to grow up to be good Christian parents and spouses as well, so we must be an example. Children are, more than anything, a product of their environment, as we can now see our parents in ourselves. There are always exceptions to every rule, and of course, a bad cycle can be broken in some cases with lots of work and prayer. But let's face it - do we want to be part of a cycle that our children spend their lives praying and working so hard to break? We want to be part of a cycle that our children would be proud to carry on to their children and their children's children!
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