Today was a pretty exhausting end to an extremely packed week of work! It was one of those days that you just want to come home and do nothing for the rest of the night. Those of us with kids will tell you that is not really possible. Coming home from work is really just the beginning of your second job of being a parent.
During the week, the evening is spent doing homework, cooking dinner, and getting the kids ready for bed. Once they're in bed, you may have time to zone out in front of the tv for a while, but that's usually all you have energy for. And with an infant in tow, zoning out is typically not a viable option. But they are worth it! Don't get me wrong.
Many times, the stresses of our workday and the pressures of getting everything in order with the children may cause us to harp on our kids constantly. I know that, for me, I am on them every minute of every night, trying to keep them on task so that we can finish it all. There isn't much time for fun. That's what my last task for the kids was all about and I've been making an effort to continue spending more "fun" time with them.
Another thing that I haven't made enough time for is having quality conversations with them. I talk to them about school quite a bit and we talk about what they want to be when they grow up. I even talk to them about responsibility, respect, and having good character. But there's one important theme that runs through each of those conversations. It is me talking to them. It is not usually a two-way conversation. Many times, I am correcting them or they are being disciplined when we have those conversations, so it is not the time or place for them to express themselves.
Today, my task was to have a quality conversation with the kids to let them know that if they ever have anything that they need to talk about or tell us, that they can always come to us. I want them to be the kind of kids who share their feelings with their parents, not the ones who hide things and end up lying and resenting their parents.
Now, this is not to be confused with allowing the children to input their opinions into everything that we tell them and definitely not to be misconstrued as an excuse for talking back! No, this is more of a way of us allowing them to express when they are upset about something or have concerns about things in their life. We have to understand that it's not easy on the children either when their parents are divorced and they have to traverse the sometimes intense waters of living in two different households, not to mention school, friends, and having a step-parent.
We have to remember how it feels to be picked on at school or to get a bad grade on a test. We can be hard on the children when they get a bad grade, but we can also do it in a way that doesn't break their spirit, especially if we know that they are particularly sensitive in that area. One way that I have been able to see what areas of the kids' life are concerning them is in our morning drive to school.
Every morning, we have a routine to say our prayers on the way to school. Each child gets their own time to pray and I have them thank God for two things and ask God for two things. It's amazing how telling these prayers can be! Our 6 year old was having trouble with telling lies and you could tell that she was always debating whether she would rather get in trouble for whatever she did or tell a lie to us to avoid getting in trouble (not that it would ever work because we got her number!). During the morning drive, one of the things she would ask God is to help her to not get in trouble or to help her to tell the truth. For our son, almost every day, he prays that he will get a green card (for good behavior) at school because he knows that if he gets a yellow card, he'll get in trouble at home.
These prayers made me realize that the kids really do, in their heart of hearts, want to do the right thing and make us proud. They don't like to upset us, and it's even to the point that they are in fear of upsetting us. That's where I want them to be able to talk to us. I don't want to break their spirit, so I want them to have an outlet for their emotions. Maybe we will set up a family time where we can be open and honest in a forum-type setting. I'll have to think more on that. Does anyone use this kind of tactic with your kids? If so, please share!
No comments:
Post a Comment